Advice and Crazy Moms

A friend posted this article on the book today and I found it so interesting. 
Among discussing the ridiculous rivalry that exists in within the realm of Motherhood today it also had her advice for new moms. Honestly, I wish I had read this before EJ was born it may not have made a difference but it really is some of the best advice. There is nothing as wonderful or crazy as motherhood, nothing. But, with all things there is a learning curve. The person you become when you are under extreme sleep depravation is unrecognizable. The emotions are all over the place and not taking time for yourself will result in one insane momma, trust me I know. I learned the hard way. Take a moment and read it. It’s a good read for sure. 
What are the most important pieces of advice that you can offer to new moms?
JZ: Here are some healthful tid bits for women to savor as they embark on motherhood. Trust yourself. Rely on others.  Ask for help. Seek support. Connect with loved ones. Take time for yourself. Expect to feel amazing, awful, and everything in between. Throw perfection out the window!
Be present. Get professional guidance if you feel you want/need it.  Read books about parenting if you find them helpful but ultimately be sure to integrate their wisdom with your own mothering methods. Respect your body and the postpartum journey. Curb unrealistic expectations. Be the role model you always dreamed of having.  Be wholeheartedly honest with yourself. Experience whatever it is you are experiencing. Denying feelings does not make them go away.  Feelings are feelings not facts. Change is possible. Communication is key. Depression and anxiety do not go away on their own.
Rest when you can.  Honor your emotional temperature.  Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about being you.  It’s never too late to revisit your childhood experiences – doing so will benefit and enliven the family you’ve created. Don’t take little people’s behaviors personally.  Newborns/infants do not manipulate.  Treat yourself like a queen when you can (whatever that means to you).  As soon as you feel you finally “figured it out”, “it” will change.  Be flexible.  LAUGH. Address burning feelings. Whatever you are feeling, other mothers have felt.  You are not alone.  No feeling is off limits. (New) motherhood is ubiquitously overwhelming.  Sleep deprivation can make you meet a version of yourself you never wanted to know. There is not one way to give birth, feed, sleep, or raise your child. Do what feels resonant for you and your baby, not what is trendy.  Plan and then roll with what arises. Play and enjoy the ever-changing ride!
Jessica Zucker is a psychologist in Los Angeles specializing in women’s health with a focus on transitions in motherhood, perinatal and postpartum mood disorders, and early parent-child attachment.
Advertisements

Let’s start a revolution

Can us Mommas please take a moment and chill out? No seriously, can we please stop judging one another, spend more time worrying about our own kids and stop obsessing over what others do?

Mom Bitches please hush, no one cares what you think and your demeaning attitude is rude and makes people defensive. I am well aware that have read every parenting book on the market and feel that it is the word of God telling you how to raise a perfect child. I can assure you my child is not perfect in any one’s eyes other than my own and I don’t buy half the stuff out there. I could care less that you only breast fed, never gave your child food before 6 months and feel that it is unhealthy for a baby to sleep through the night. I am very proud of you for being the best mom you can be and will never judge you… so please refrain from judging me. I am doing my very best and I am OK with it.

On a daily basis, I read really rude comments on other people’s blog posts. Like this adorable letter one blogger wrote to her mom. This blogger points out the worst of the mean comments and there are some really ugly comments. I have to say I agree with her. The meanness baffles me. Please calm down. I do not need the facts screamed at me. I read too, I also choose what I believe based on their medical degrees. And sometimes, I just don’t care and do what I think is best.

I am, also, faced with these rude women in real life, like the day when someone told me my child was too skinny and if I was still breastfeeding him then he would weigh more. Really?? Do I know you? If I did, you would know I was living with my in-laws in a not happy place when my milk came in and then I moved 3 weeks later and had never felt more alone in my life. I was miserable and my milk was water. Guess what, he wasn’t gaining weight then either so per doctor’s request I supplemented and then I gave up. Will I breast fed my next child? Most likely. Will I do it longer if it works? Probably. Do I care at all if you do or don’t? Nope. It’s your body and your kid, not mine.

I really want to start a revolution of women that support regardless of views. Women who love other women for being the best mothers that they know how to be and not concern themselves with their choices. Cause you know what, motherhood is hard work. We need each other, especially other moms because we get it. We have been there.

I love myself some formula, hated how much it cost, loved making my own baby food, cloth diaper and spend every day trying to be the best mother I can. I love my kid with all my heart and try really hard to make sure my husband knows I love him more every day. I strive daily to be the best wife and mom I can. But you know what only I can define what that means.

So anyone want to join me on my quest to always be a supporter and never a hater?