The whole truth

Mondays in the blogging world, at least the Mom blogging world, mean one thing weight loss posts. Honestly, it’s an awesome way to look for ideas and find support while weeding through the reality that we are no longer teenagers that can eat whatever we please without gaining a pound.
Lately, I have been tuning out of Monday’s post because I am pregnant and dieting while pregnant is not really allowed or a good idea. But, today I am going to be honest. I am so discouraged with the weight gain this time around. I look in the mirror and want to scream and cry. Swollen face and hands, legs mascaraing as tree trunks and let’s not even discuss the behind that is growing. It.is.not.me.at.all.
I have tried to do it right and lay off the nasty fatty food and be aware of what I am putting in my mouth but y’all it has flat out not worked. I gained a whopping 10lbs in 7 weeks, yep that right 20 lbs prior to me walking into my 3rd trimester (yay Wednesday!). The nurse gave me the side eye and mentioned it more than once. Yes, I did hear  you clearly the first time now kindly shut up before I preggo rage your skinny butt to the wall.
I walked out of the office committed to being very careful, very, for the remainder of the pregnancy. Can we just say that is backfired in a big way as I have hit the ravishing hunger stage of pregnancy. The “there is not enough food in the world to help” this hunger. And me watching food went out the window and front door because when I am that hungry I am a mean pregnant lady. And honestly that is not saying much because I am historically an angry preggo. It’s just the way it is. My pissed off demeanor is just a fact of life for most of the 10 months. Throw the hunger card into it and watch out world. I am not happy at all.
So basically this a plea for help. Momma’s what did you do to keep the weight in check and not walk around hungry? Do you have trick for handling it all or what did you not do that given a chance for a redo you change?
And go ahead and plan that come August, I will vomiting all over the interwebs my quest to actually look better in my 30’s than in my 20’s.

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A shift in priorities

I have been halfway participating in Blair’s McFatty Monday for last 8 months. It hasn’t really been working for me. Others have had quite the success stories and me, well, not so much. It is not all my fault. I screwed with my hormone stability after EJ’s birth by inserting the Mirena IUD that was a really.bad.idea. I mean REALLY.BAD.IDEA.

I was wreck. I was certifiably batshitcrazy. I was miserable. I could not loose weight. In February, I wised up and removed the rod of Satan and things started slowly improving. Hormones can kick your butt. When I am jacked up on hormones I am a different person. No, seriously, I am. And guess what? I really do not like that person. I am short tempered. I hate my awesome husband for no reason and the worst side effect I am chubby. So let’s just say I cannot wait until the last baby arrives and hubs gets sniped. He can whine all he wants. LA on hormones strains our marriage and I went through childbirth. We will not even discuss the months leading up to it. That’s the least the men in our lives can do.

:: Steps off soapbox::

Regardless of the reason, I just have not been able to be successful in my attempts and that has been very discouraging and resulted in a lot of throwing in the towel.

Until today.

Until I watch the Doctors, a show I typically hate.

After watching a super healthy doctor eat a crappy diet with no exercise for 5 days and the affect it had on his body and mind something clicked. WOW, that is me.

My energy levels are not what the used to be.

I have a love/hate relationship with the greasy food I love. Hate the way I feel after said meal. Love the way it tastes so I go back for more. I used to be so healthy, so energetic, and so happy and care free.

Today, I am sleepy a lot. My skin has seen better days and life can stress me out in two point five seconds.

Yes, a lot has changed. I have child that I am responsible for. My job is at home now. Things have changed but my zest for life should be the same or greater and its just not.

So, today my priorities have changed, no more desperate attempts for scales to produce a certain number or for clothes to look a certain way. No more staring at old pictures and lusting after that flat, firm belly.

I am a Mother. I baked a baby for 10 months. I birthed him. I nursed him. I wear the armor of motherhood… loose skin, stretch marks, wider hips and not-so-perky boobs. But, I have a walking and talking product of my deep love for my husband. A child who stares back at me with my own eyes.

Instead of working towards a number, I am working towards health. A better blood pressure, an active life style and diet free of junk.

S0 what are your long term goals? How have your priorities changed?

Running to September 30th

Today, I crawled out of bed at 6:45am stumbled to the bathroom and got dressed. I stole the Reel Daddy’s Iphone and hit the pavement. It was hot. It was sticky. It was early.

I owned GetRunning as I successfully completed my first run of Couch to 5k. I wanted to hurl at least once, I was bored with his music, but I kept going and even ended the run going up a really big hill. I hit it hard and sprinted through the final 30 secs.

Do I feel awesome? Not really. Do I have a natural high? Nope. Will I do it again on Wednesday? You betcha.

I do not know when I got this out of shape but it sucks and until September 30th you will see automatic updates on twitter that I completed the run 3 days a week early in the morning. Excuses are not allowed. If I go a week and those updates did not appear 3 times someone better call my butt out. Because I am a lot happier when I am in shape and eating right. Veggies, lean protein, fruit. This is my new life. And I am in it to WIN it.

I almost gave up

I wasn’t going to write a McFatty post this week. I was kind of sick of thinking about my weight, my husband told me that I was one dimensional and that’s the only thing I talked about and lets be honest it is really hot outside. Then out of habit I started reading some of the other ladies on the McFatty quest and started to think.

Alena @Charming Chandler talked about just doing it (losing the weight) and stop talking about it.
Earth to LA does that sound like you? While pregnant I constantly said when I get cleared for exercise I will join weight watchers and train for a 1/2 marathon. Did I do either one of those things? Nope.

Then Jacqueline @MarblesRolling wrote a post I could have written myself, absent the actively trying for number 2. We are still talking about when to start. I have many fears about not going ahead and pounding out the kids. I have one kidney have been told that with every year I wait the more stress my body will go through and the more likely something will happen with my health. So part of me wants to have more now and part of me is yelling “No, no, no” get that weight down before you even think about it. She talked about learning to love your body, and more specifically your new body because ::news flash:: pregnancy changes things and not everything goes back to normal. My body literally changed overnight, my previous ridiculously narrow hips became normal. And I can run all I want, those bones aren’t moving.  I have a memory of what I looked like July 2008 and I have set that as the standard. I think, I need to learn to be realistic and to set smaller goals.

So here I am today, not overly sure what step to take or what to think. But learning that my weight does not define me as person, that I talk a lot more than act and maybe I would do myself a world of good to give away a lot of clothes made for a body that I do not own anymore.

Anyone want to join me in the Couch to 5k? I will via email hold you accountable.

Warning

Welcome Monday, get excited. Take a deep breathe. Ready or not just go.

It is time to suck it back up and get back on the wagon of weight loss. Yes, I have given myself a free pass for weeks to eat what I want and drink what I want. Seriously, I made it through one full year of parenthood and it was so good that I am getting to point where I think I may be ready to do it again. But, before we can discuss that I have a few pesky pounds to destroy.

My mid section is sporting a good inch of spare tire and it must exit the building. I need to firm up those legs, arms and butt. I need the motivation to return to my former self. I need to look in the mirror  and say “Hello LA welcome back, you have been missed”.  So here goes nothing McFatty bandwagon. I am back and ready to rumble.

Here’s to a week of getting my butt up EARLY and hitting the pavement. Me and my IPOD have a date and hopefully in a week you will hear me rant and rave about how I beat the heat and got in my run early.

I am holding each and everyone of you accountable to calling my butt out if I don’t do it. So if you are reading this consider yourself warned, LA needs some accountability and you are expected to do it.  Please & thank you.

Where McFatty begin.

(sorry should have worn a tighter dress but you get it right, much flater!)  
June 28, 2009– Craig and I spent our last day as non-parents eating. No seriously, we did. We went out to lunch at one our favorite local spots and then lounged around in the pool until 6pm when we made our way to the hospital. After we got settled, the nurse told us that I was too dilated to do anything until the morning so I could have nice big dinner (no food once labor started) and they would give me a sleeping pill which was glorious. So off my fab hubby went to get us a pasta dinner take out. Our nurse’s recommendation so that I would not be starving in the morning. I ate Alfredo sauce and indulged in every last second of my final seriously guilt-free fatty meal. 
June 28, 2010- We are a day away from baby boy’s first birthday and I am over the baby weight. Still fighting to get off those last few pounds but I must admit I feel like a different women. My former energy levels have returned and I don’t avoid mirrors anymore. I have even looked at my reflection a few times and been pleased. I am getting there, give me a few more months and I vow to be BAACK. I even bought some new shades this weekend that were totally different from my standard look of the last 8 years and guess what? My hubby told me that I looked like a hot college girl in them… damn that felt good, real good.
What have you done that made you feel like your old self? What have you done that makes you feel baack?!?

A letter to those last few pounds

Dear Lagging Baby Weight,
It has come to my attention that you would really like stay with me. I really can’t blame you. I am a good time and when I try… we can be pretty cute. However, the dimpling, jiggling skin around my mid-drift is really starting to get on my nerves.

You see it is summertime and I would like to put on my summer wear and feel good in it. I know with you, we can fit into most clothes. But, fitting isn’t really my goal. I want to look good in them. I need to look good. So if you could do me a favor and stop hanging on for dear life I would appreciate it.

I promise you will get a chance to come back for awhile but for now I really need you to go away. Please let go.

thankyouverymuch,
LA

Cheerleaders?

I am just not motivated. That is really all there is to it. I do not want to do it.

I do not want to get up when that alarm goes off, throw on my running clothes and hit the pavement. I can fit into some of my clothes and there is a little voice in my head telling me that this is good enough. That same voice is also telling me that we aren’t done, there are more children to come (god willing) and knowing you are just going to put the weight back on is defeating.

My head know that it will be just harder later and that I would rather not add to the extra weight I already have but my ability to motivate is wavering.

We eat pretty well, that is important to me. Our family will always eat healthy as long as I am in charge of it but that is not enough. I need to be active. So when your motivation fails you what do you do? How do you drag yourself to the gym? I need a swift kick in the butt, who is going to help me?

Motivation

I used to love running. It was in a word, relaxing. There was nothing like a run in the crisp morning air, my ipod blaring and all my frustrations melting away. For me running was better than therapy, I could clear my mind and the world always seemed a little brighter after. Then I quit… it wasn’t a conscience decision. I just stop having time for it and before I knew it the thought of running was scary, overwhelming and flat out exhausting to think about.  
I had always said I would work-out during my pregnancy, that I was going to be that healthy momma. But when you do not plan on the pregnancy a lot of your best intentions become just that, an intention that did not happen. I walked a lot and that certainly helped my delivery… I pushed all of 15 minutes ((fist pumps the air))! But then he came and life took over and I did nothing. Not a damn thing for months and now at 10 months old, I am seriously disgusted with the reflection in the mirror and embarrassed that I don’t own clothes that fit.
I have talked a lot about doing Weight Watchers, signing up for Boot Camp, etc. Guess what? I haven’t done a thing but run my mouth. Apparently I need a motivation so I found it.  Besides the looming bathing suit season and I want to be skinny enough to sport a bikini again, I needed something to get my butt in gear. If I have learned anything this past 10 months is that I need to exercise. It is my magic weight loss secret. I can eat a lot or not I am not going to gain or lose weight but if I work out, if I move, it works I get skinny. Well, I hope because I used to be skinny and I used to work out.
My motivation is my wedding dress, a beach, a setting sun, my husband in a white linen suit and a photographer. I am going to retake my wedding photos. Why would you do that you ask? Because I HATE mine. I think they are terrible, it rained so it ruined my hair, the sun was grey and honestly my photographers just didn’t live up to their hype. My hair was matted by my veil and no one told me. That along with a few other issues, I look at the pictures and I honestly get mad. Every girl has their wedding dreams and one of mine was to have an amazing picture where I look the best I ever have with my husband staring at me with serious love and lust and have it big in my house. I want my daughter (if I have one) to look at it and say “Mommy was beautiful” the same way I did when I looked at my Mom’s. I would just stare at it for hours and dream about my day.
So here’s to running again I am a week into it and if it kills me I am going to renew my relationship with running and get myself beautiful so that I can put that dress back on and get a fantastic photo or two.

When you fall off the wagon…

YOU GET BACK ON!

That is what this week is for, getting back on the wagon of weight-loss.

The rod of satan aka my IUD has made its glorious exit from my body and my hope is that along with it will go the remaining EJ weight.  Beside making the wicked witch of east AND west, I also had not lost a single pound since it entered my body despite my dieting and working out efforts.  I have new found motivation, being back on birth control  which is risk for us.  I am not having another baby until all my baby weight is OFF. There are like 5 pictures of me and EJ because I don’t like pictures of my chubby self at the moment and that needs to change.  So this week, I will get back to the water pact and EJ and are walking every single day.

So here’s to this week, some sun on my pale skin, a happy baby and a few steps closer to my goal weight and my favorite pre-preggo clothes.

And the best reason to get in shape and healthy is this cute blue eyed, blonde who loves to crawl right to my feet saying “momma”.